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Thursday, May 18, 2017

My Anxiety and Depression...

rear their ugly heads once again.  I had noticed them both creeping up on me, seeping into my daily life slowly and methodically, until they were overwhelming me once again. Ugh. I hate how I feel when I let these two get the better of me. I don't even know how it happens, it just does. And when it happens, I don't want to do anything. I don't even want to read.  I just get lost thinking about nothing or everything. My anxiety blossoms and I start second guessing myself to the point where I question everyone and everything and do absolutely nothing. Its frustrating and exhausting. And, its hard to push myself out of this funk.  But, I push and push until I slowly start to feel like myself again. 

Right now, I'm pushing and pushing. I'm going to the gym (even though I still hate to), because it makes me feel better. I'm watching old shows (Seinfeld), because they make me laugh.  I'm spending time with my family, because LOVE is the best medicine.  I'm reading daily devotionals from Joel Osteen, because they always seem to encapsulate what I'm feeling/struggling with and encourage positive thinking.  Like today, I opened my emails and this is what he wrote about:

"No matter what you are facing today, know this: you are not alone, and you are just walking through. You don’t have to stop and live in the tough times. They are only temporary. I encourage you today; don’t allow fear to paralyze you in the middle of “the valley of the shadow of death.” Remember, God is with you. He is walking beside you. He is strengthening you. He is making a way of escape for you. He is lining up people and situations to bring you out of that tough place into a place of strength and victory. Don’t give up! Press on and walk through!"

How fitting is that!?! I'm not trying to push religion, but I had to share this.  I wanted to show what I meant when I wrote that his devotionals seem to be so spot on with how I'm feeling.  After reading today's devotional I realized how right he was - my anxiety and depression are temporary; I'm not alone; and I will get out of this funk. Talk about a positive push!

And that positivity helps.  It encourages me even more.  I know that dealing with anxiety and depression isn't easy.  I know that pushing myself out of this funk is hard.  But I know that I can push myself out of it.  I know that I can beat my anxiety and depression. I know that it will take time and strength, but I know that I will do it.  These funks of mine come and go.  My doctor has suggested medications, but I've declined.  She pushes me to talk about how I feel and encourages me to work out (those endorphins will help she tells me).  So, don't worry, I am not dealing with this alone.

I just wanted to share how I've been feeling as of late, because I've been a bit absent on my blog.  And, I know that I'm not alone when it comes to anxiety and depression.  I wanted to share, so that others can feel free to share, too. 

9 comments:

Brandie said...

No, you are not alone, and you're brave and strong for putting yourself out there. My heart feels for you, Nadia. I have dealt with the same things before and I know it's not easy to push through. You are doing what you need to be doing, and all in the healthiest most positive ways. You WILL pull through this! Lots of love and hugs to you.

Ti said...

I could have written this post. It's how I've been feeling for months now. I grew up with depression all around me so I am not opposed to taken meds if needed but I don't feel this way when well rested so I believe most of my issues stem from the exhaustion of day to day activities that do nothing for my spiritual growth. You have to have physical rest but you also need spiritual rest and something happened recently that has left me floating in doubt. As I often like to say, "major suckage" all around.

It's good to push through if you can, but if you ever feel like you can't or that you are losing the battle, reach out because you don't have to feel that way. Everyone always says reach out but I seriously mean it.

Lark said...

Sorry you're struggling once again. It sucks that life has to be so hard sometimes. Hang in there! And thanks for sharing that quote. I totally believe that's true. I hope things get better for you soon. :)

Carole said...

Good luck with it. One thought maybe instead of pushing through you should just notice it happening and let it be.... I watch old British sitcoms like As Time Goes By ... Dame judi Dench is so fantastic... Best wishes from Carole of Carole's Chatter

Nadia A said...

Brandie, thank you so much! You are right, its not easy, but I will do it! And thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

Ti, major suckage indeed! I totally agree with you about spiritual rest - its essential. I'm sorry that you had to grow up with depression all around you and I'm sorry you've been feeling the same for months. I can dig that you understand what I'm talking about. I just wish that we both didn't know what anxiety or depression felt like. I'm just glad that we both can push through these feelings and get back to feeling better. Its tough, but possible. Thank you so much for letting me know I can reach out if I need to - I know you mean it. You are a great friend, Ti.

Lark, thank you! And yes, that quote definitely has me thinking and feeling so encouraged - I loved it!

Carole, thanks! I appreciate the idea of letting it be - sometimes you just have to, so you can become aware of it - so true! As Time Goes By is the best!!

Lisa said...

Thanks for sharing - it's a tough thing to talk about but so many people suffer to some degree and it is good to know you are not alone. Osteen's words were really perfect for the place you are in. I hope you can get to the other side of this episode soon!

Nadia A said...

Lisa, thanks for reading my post. Yes, it is good to know I'm not alone - sometimes I needed to be reminded of that. They were, which is why I love getting his devotionals. Thank you - I feel like I'm getting there ;)

Terra Hangen said...

Osteen's words were perfect for you to read when you needed them, and now I am sure someone reading this post will benefit from them too. Well, that someone is me! Since my husband's unexpected death, I needed that reminder that events are temporary and we can move forward.

Nadia A said...

Terra, they really were perfect in that moment - just what I needed. I'm so sorry about your husband's passing and can only imagine how difficult that has been for you. I'm glad that Osteen's words were able to remind you that events are temporary and that moving forward can happen. We tend to forget that when we are deep in grief, depression, and fear. Take care and I'm so happy you stopped by to read this post.