rear their ugly heads once again. I had noticed them both creeping up on me, seeping into my daily life slowly and methodically, until they were overwhelming me once again. Ugh. I hate how I feel when I let these two get the better of me. I don't even know how it happens, it just does. And when it happens, I don't want to do anything. I don't even want to read. I just get lost thinking about nothing or everything. My anxiety blossoms and I start second guessing myself to the point where I question everyone and everything and do absolutely nothing. Its frustrating and exhausting. And, its hard to push myself out of this funk. But, I push and push until I slowly start to feel like myself again.
Right now, I'm pushing and pushing. I'm going to the gym (even though I still hate to), because it makes me feel better. I'm watching old shows (Seinfeld), because they make me laugh. I'm spending time with my family, because LOVE is the best medicine. I'm reading daily devotionals from Joel Osteen, because they always seem to encapsulate what I'm feeling/struggling with and encourage positive thinking. Like today, I opened my emails and this is what he wrote about:
"No matter what you are facing today, know this: you are not alone, and
you are just walking through. You don’t have to stop and live in the
tough times. They are only temporary. I encourage you today; don’t allow
fear to paralyze you in the middle of “the valley of the shadow of
death.” Remember, God is with you. He is walking beside you. He is
strengthening you. He is making a way of escape for you. He is lining up
people and situations to bring you out of that tough place into a place
of strength and victory. Don’t give up! Press on and walk through!"
How fitting is that!?! I'm not trying to push religion, but I had to share this. I wanted to show what I meant when I wrote that his devotionals seem to be so spot on with how I'm feeling. After reading today's devotional I realized how right he was - my anxiety and depression are temporary; I'm not alone; and I will get out of this funk. Talk about a positive push!
And that positivity helps. It encourages me even more. I know that dealing with anxiety and depression isn't easy. I know that pushing myself out of this funk is hard. But I know that I can push myself out of it. I know that I can beat my anxiety and depression. I know that it will take time and strength, but I know that I will do it. These funks of mine come and go. My doctor has suggested medications, but I've declined. She pushes me to talk about how I feel and encourages me to work out (those endorphins will help she tells me). So, don't worry, I am not dealing with this alone.
I just wanted to share how I've been feeling as of late, because I've been a bit absent on my blog. And, I know that I'm not alone when it comes to anxiety and depression. I wanted to share, so that others can feel free to share, too.