Anxiety and depression are still something I battle daily. Some days are better than others, but isn't that life in general? I'm going to see a therapist much more frequently now and I really do think its helping. I feel like its helped me to clear my mind a bit more and to gain some focus and perspective about things. Also, I'm really leaning into positivity lately - like, the notion that a new year brings new beginnings. I'm all about that. I really do feel like 2019 is going to be a good one - the vibes are just filled with hope and optimism. Plus, its the year of the pig and that means prosperity. So, here's to a prosperous New Year for us all. I'm actually going to copy Patti Smith and tag the prosperity to mean mental prosperity. She wrote that on her IG post and I really loved it.
I saw my therapist yesterday. She told me that I am making progress and that she believes in me. I have to be honest, I really appreciated hearing that. Some days I feel like I am making progress, while other days when the anxiety is relentless I feel like I am falling behind once more. Before, the anxiety would overwhelm me, my thoughts would spiral, my heart beat erratically, I felt nauseated, and it was just horrible. Now, I am aware of the anxiety creeping in, I lean into it for just a few minutes and then I tell it to take a hike. I actually talk to it and tell it that it is unwarranted and that I am not going to let it win. I take a breath (or five) and then move on. I push and push it aside and move on. Some times its easier said than done, but lately it gets done. And I am so grateful for that.
I'm still working on building up my confidence and nixing all those insecurities that hound me. I really do believe that those are the root causes to my anxiety and depression. So, I've decided to write. I am writing in my gratitude journal (daily), I am writing in my personal journal (chock full of the good, the bad, and the ugly), I am writing in my creative journal (quotes, poems, song lyrics) to keep me inspired, and I am writing in my memory journal (something to keep old/new memories in - things I don't want to forget). I'm also trying to post more on my book blog - at least 2-3 times a week. Oh, and I am planning on writing creatively. I've always wanted to write a book of short stories and a short novel, so here goes, right? Might as well go for it. Especially, since I've been feeling inspired lately - I'm editing short fiction and the stories that come in have just been so much fun to read through, I can't help but want to write my own now.
Therapy, writing, and the articles on Tiny Buddha are really helping me make strides with my anxiety and depression. I am hooked on the site and love getting their emails with new-to-me articles to read. I know that its going to take time to feel completely better again, but I know one day it will happen. I also know that I'm not the same person anymore. Having to deal with all of this has really made an impression on me. Its opened my mind up so much more than it already was. Its like Glennon Doyle says about being shattered and letting yourself die so that you can embrace the new you. I didn't understand what she meant before, but now I do.
Thanks for reading and understanding my need to share these posts with you.
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7 comments:
I'm sorry this is a struggle for you and am proud of you for getting help. I think 2019 is going to be your breakout year!
Glad you're hanging in there and that things are starting to look up. Life is a struggle. But I'm a great believer in hope and happy endings and never giving up. And Happy Year of the Pig!
Nadia, you are incredibly strong and I'm glad you're doing well. Thank you for sharing your struggles, because in doing so, you're helping others that are going through the same thing. Anxiety and depression is not something to take lightly. Anxiety has a tendency to creep up on me out of the blue and I'm trying to find healthy ways to deal with it. I had a particularly bad episode this weekend, but thankfully I'm feeling better today. One day at a time - it's the best we can do. You're an amazing woman - keep doing what you're doing!
I've always admired your honesty and I know from dealing with my husband how much depression can affect a person. Heck, I know this from my mother, father and my sister too. I had anxiety when I was in my 20s. My unstable home life and being involved in hostile takeovers at the financial institutions I worked at at the time really sent me for a loop. It's a daily struggle but not one that can't be won. I am so glad you sought professional help to get you through this difficult season. I'm here for ya anytime.
I admire how you are pushing back against anxiety, I have dealt with it too and am doing well. May you prosper in all things in this Year of the Pig.
Lovely Nadia, I think you speak of what so many of us feel in varying degrees. It is very hard (for me) not to feel anxious about many things: the future regarding my parents’ health and mine, my son who seems to stumble through life far more haphazardly than I would choose. I believe we have to fight an enemy who attempts to steal our peace, and you are doing so admirably. I have wanted to ask you about the beautiful journals I’ve seen you post on Instagram, and now I have an idea what you use them for. I love to write! I love to get those ideas out of my brain, my heart, and into storage. I pray for you that you feel better every day. Love, M
Nadia, my blog helped me emerge at least partially sane after a long dark period. Plus writing hopefully every other day imposes discipline on me. Plus I have met lots of great people. I look forward to reading your short stories one day
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