If Only I Could Tell You: A Novel by Hannah Beckerman

about book:

“I loved it (even though it made me cry).”—Jojo Moyes

For fans of This Is Us comes a story of a family divided and the secret that can possibly unite them – a life-affirming novel with a twist will break your heart and an ending that will put it together again. 

 A secret between two sisters.

A lifetime of lies unraveling.

Can one broken family find their way back to each other?

Audrey’s dream as a mother had been for her daughters, Jess and Lily, to be as close as only sisters can be. But now, as adults, they no longer speak to each other, and Audrey’s two teenage granddaughters have never met. Audrey just can’t help feeling like she’s been dealt more than her fair share as she’s watched her family come undone over the years, and she has no idea how to fix her family as she wonders if they will ever be whole again.

If only Audrey had known three decades ago that a secret could have the power to split her family in two, and yet, also keep them linked. And when hostilities threaten to spiral out of control, a devastating choice that was made so many years ago is about to be revealed, testing this family once and for all.

Once the truth is revealed, will it be enough to put her family back together again or break them apart forever?

“Utterly compelling and completely heartbreaking. I couldn’t put it down.” — Ruth Hogan

“Totally engrossing, achingly sad and so perceptive about the corrosive legacy of family secrets.”—Kate Eberlen, author of Miss You

my thoughts:


Talk about a family drama that will feel like a punch to the gut. I'm serious. This book is the very epitome of heart-wrenching. You won't be able to read it without crying. Each chapter just gets more and more emotional. Its heartbreaking to the nth degree.  And yet, its so addictive. You can't help but keep reading. You get ensnared by the premise: Jess and Lily are sisters.  One day, Lily goes into a forbidden room and when Jess wants to enter it, she physically prevents her. After that incident, the sister no longer talk to one another. Flash forward, both sisters are now mother's to teen-aged daughters of their own. Their mother, Audrey, is very ill and decides to go live with one of them. Her wish is to have her family back together. Except, maybe your family's secrets are too BIG to make your wish come true.  And, that is all I will write about the story. Pretty crazy, right? A forbidden room with something that causes a huge rift between two sisters - what was in that room?! You can't help but wonder, right? I know I did until I found out midway through the story. And the story itself, so much sadness. Oh, how my heart broke again and again. 

Beckerman has written a terrific story about the complexities of family, friendship, love, loss, and grief.  She also touches on topics like suicide, miscarriages, and cancer.  Its heavy stuff and quite frankly, you can't help but feel the sadness dripping off the pages.  This is such a moving story, your heart strings will be plucked over and over again. I just loved it. The writing was fantastic and the characters were unforgettable. I would happily recommend If Only I Could Tell You to fans of Hannah Beckerman and anyone looking for their next great read - you will LOVE this story to bits.

Here's the link to the TLC Book Tour schedule for: If Only I Could Tell You

Thank you to the publisher and TLC Book Tours for providing me with a copy of this book!