My Friday Five...

1.  Well, I'm 41 now. Yep, I turned one year older this past Sunday. I'll be honest and admit that prior to my birthday I was feeling the blues. I was overwhelmed by anxiety and depression all week long. I couldn't fall asleep until nearly 3 or 4am.  I cried most nights. It was pretty rough. I just found myself thinking about the past and where I was at currently in my life. I was feeling like a failure. I was feeling so unworthy. All of my fears were just running around loose in my head. It was not a good time.  And so, I talked it out and cried it out with God. I also wrote it all down and got it out of my head. I reminded myself of all the good people and things in my life. I repeated all the mantras I keep close to my heart. I read quotes and jotted down the ones that spoke to me. I made myself choose joy over and over, even though I just wanted to lie down and cry.  Sunday came and I celebrated with my mom, dad, and sister. I wanted just to have some family time with all four of us for once. I wanted low-key. And, I wanted donuts.  So we ate, talked, and laughed. I read the cards they gave me and my heart just burst.  I cried and cried. I saw how much they loved me and I felt so blessed in that moment. It made me realize just how lucky I truly am and that maybe Rachel Hollis is right, "It's impossible to feel anxiety and gratitude simultaneously."  Because in that moment when I was feeling so grateful for my family, I didn't feel anxious at all.

2.  Books, books, and more books...well, if you've been reading this blog for awhile, then you know all I ever want for my birthday or for Christmas are books. So, yes, I had a birthday book wish list and I was lucky to all of them. Hurrah!  Here they are:

and these were pre-orders (the Ogawa was pre-ordered last year for my birthday, so I've been waiting for a year!):

Not a bad bunch, eh? I can't wait to dive into the Ogawa - should be here next week. Woo hoo!!

3.  TV shows.  My TV watching has consisted of Southern Charm, The Hills: New Beginnings, and Good Witch. I am so behind on everything. I still need to watch the new Veronica Mars and Real Housewives of the OC.  Oh, and that new Mindy Kaling show, Four Weddings and a Funeral. Cripes! So much TV, so little time for it. Except, for Aurora Teagarden. Yep, I made time to watch the new movie on Hallmark this past Sunday - talk about perfect timing (on my birthday!). Plus, there was an Aurora Teagarden marathon, so I definitely caught a few of those as well. And, this Sunday is another new Aurora Teagarden movie - hurrah! What about you? What are you watching this summer? Any good shows to recommend? Let me know.

4.  Journals. Okay, so I think I definitely have an addiction. For my birthday I got the new Field Notes box set of Wilco ones (who doesn't love Wilco?!).  I also got some Christian Lacroix journals - they are so surreal and whimsical, how could I not want them? Plus, they remind me of Ab Fab.  Plus, I ordered two limited edition Traveler's Factory notebooks that just came out.  Oh, and did I mention that I used my birthday cards to make a junk journal. All of those plus the ones I already own - yikes! Then again, it was my birthday, so I suppose I shouldn't feel too guilty, right?

5.  Music.  Creedence Clearwater Revival.  This song on repeat: Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

And now, I'm off to read some magazines. I have copies of Vogue, O, Real Simple, and In Her Studio. Hope you all have a great weekend! Happy reading!!

Turning 38...ack!

Its my birthday and I will cry if I want to. Yep, I'm turning 38 today and I'm just not happy about it. I don't know if its because I'm creeping up on the big 4-0.  Or if its about the fact that my 40 before 40 list has gone to the wayside. Then again, it could be that lately I've been feeling rather stuck. Whatever the reason, I'm not keen on my birthday this year. I thought posting a birthday wish list would cheer me up, but it didn't.

Normally, I'm cool with getting older. Except, I was brushing my hair the other day and noticed a few grey strands mixed in with my chocolate brown hair - the horror! So, I quickly yanked them out and have been checking my hair ever since. The crazy thing is that I always said I would embrace my grey hairs - what happened?!

Oh, and did I mention that my anxiety has gotten worse. It has. I'm getting worked up over the most inane things - its seriously bothering me.

So, to kick off turning 38, I've decided to turn to a book:

What do you think?  I thought it sounded like something I needed to read ASAP.  A book that will inspire and motivate me - two things I seriously need right now. So, fingers crossed it helps.  And just in case, I have backup:

I watched Strayed on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday talking about this book of quotes and realized I needed it in my life. So, I definitely plan on dipping in and out of this one starting...NOW!

Let me know if you've read either book and what you thought of it. Do you think they'll help get me out of my ruttish state of mind? Here's to hoping they will. And now I'm off to read, You Are A Badass.  Happy reading!!

Gone Reading!

Look what I got for my birthday:

Hurrah!!  You can't go wrong with Murakami. Plus, the book was released on my birthday yesterday- talk about meant to be!  Looks like I will finally be able to read the Trilogy of the Rat in its entirety -  I can't wait! And now, I'm off to get lost in Murakami's words. Happy reading!!

My Birthday Book Wish List..

Yep, all I want are books.  Of course, I wouldn't say no to a Saint Laurent handbag, but that's not very likely.  So, books it is.  I'm hoping to get some of these lovelies:

What do you think?  Not a bad bunch,eh?  As you can tell, I'm on a Miriam Toews kick - I am in love with her writing.  Her novel, All My Puny Sorrows, was absolutely BRILLIANT!!!  I need to read more of her work ASAP.  Yoshimoto will soothe my craving for more Japanese Literature and the Coates book is most definitely a must read (especially after watching him discuss his book on a morning show recently).  And the anthology by Moraga and Anzaldua is a blast from my past - a book that I've read countless time, but never actually owned (its about time!). 
I have so many other titles on my wish list, but I chose the ones that I can see myself settling down with sooner, rather than later. Do you have any suggestions about what I should add to the list?

And now, I'm off to read Pretty Baby by Mary Kubica. So far, I'm not so sure if I'll be sticking with it - I'm feeling rather underwhelmed by it.  Has anyone read it?  What did you think?

Murakami for my Birthday...

Look what comes out on my birthday this year - HURRAH!!

How awesome is that? I've never read the Trilogy of the Rat, so I'm super stoked to get started later this year when the books come out: August 4th!!  I just love that both Hear the Wind Sing and Pinball, 1973 will be together in this new edition by Knopf.  I already own copies of both A Wild Sheep Chase and Dance Dance Dance, so I'm set to read all four books in the Trilogy of the Rat (which is really a quartet, since there are four books - the last one being the epilogue).  Anyhow, I'm over the moon that these new-to-me Murakami stories will be released on my birthday - talk about a great present!  I can't wait to settle in to my favorite reading spot and get lost in Murakami's words and world.   Pretty cool, eh?

What about you?  Are you excited that Murakami's first two books will finally be released here in the US?  Apparently, they were translated into English, but he was against a wide distribution of them, so they were limited in release.  He wasn't a huge fan of his early work and didn't want anyone to read it (or so I've heard according to Murakami folklore.)  Either way, I'm just happy to finally be getting my hands on the two stories - woo hoo!  Have you read these books?  Are they vintage Murakami?  And, why is it referred to as the Trilogy of the Rat?

I'm off to finish reading Marty Wingate's latest book, The Rhyme of the Magpie and continue reading The Mapmaker's Children by Sarah McCoy.  Happy reading!!

Non-Bookish Thoughts...

I'm 36.  It happened earlier this week and I have to admit that it wasn't so bad.  I thought I would be in tears when it happened - crying over getting older - but I wasn't.  Instead, I was too busy enjoying celebrating my birthday with loved ones.  There was lots of yummy food, a delicious ice cream cake (my favorite!), lovely cards and birthday wishes.  It was a very happy birthday.  I even received some books - hurrah!  Here are my new lovelies:

I'm so excited about my new reads that I'm not sure which one I should read first.  Any suggestions?  I'm leaning toward My Salinger Year by Joanna Rakoff.  Of course, it will probably make me want to re-read Salinger after and then I'll be adding more books to my TBR pile.  Oh, the woes of being a bookworm.


Aside from my birthday, my week has been filled with writing.  I've been writing a lot more lately, but I've also been throwing out a lot of it as well.  Its rather frustrating.  So, I've been watching too much TV, listening to the new Jenny Lewis CD on repeat, and reading to distract myself from thinking about how badly I've been writing lately.  I plan on culling my bookshelves later today as another means of distraction.  Well, the book culling is actually something I've been mulling over for a while.  You see, I'm thinking of only keeping the books that I absolutely LOVE - books by favorite authors and books I will most definitely re-read.  All of the other books will get donated to the local senior citizen's center (the ones that I read and liked, but have already forgotten about).  My only worry is that I will regret getting rid of some of the books, because I think I secretly am a book hoarder (ugh!).  Hmm...what to do?  What do you think?  Should I just keep them all?

Well, Bergdorf Blondes is beckoning me, so I'm off to do some reading. And I'm leaving you with Jenny Lewis, so that you can get a taste of her music.  Enjoy!

Colorstrology by Michele Bernhardt

(Thank you to Quirk Books for providing me with a copy of this book!)

about book:

There's a rainbow of possibility contained within every day of birth:  a season, a sun sign, a ruling planet, an element - and now, a color.  Combining astrology, numerology, and the metaphysical power of color, Colorstrology is your guide to the personal Pantone hue that reflects the real you.

Here you'll find monthly and daily birthday colors, personality key words, color profiles, compatible birthdays, and guidelines on how to enhance your best traits with your own personal shade - all to help you live more vibrantly.  Beautiful, vivid, and insightful, Colorstrology features detailed profiles for everyone you know and contains 366 perforated Pantone swatches, so your birthday color can inspire and refresh you wherever you go.

my thoughts:

I'm a huge fan of tarot cards, horoscopes (specifically, my Chinese horoscope), numerology and such.  So, when I heard about Michele Bernhardt's book, Colorstrology, I knew that I had to give it a gander.  Upon receiving my copy I immediately turned to my birthday and was confounded at first.  For some odd reason, I was certain that my Pantone color would turn out to a deep, rich purple (as it has always been one of my two favorite colors - the other being green) hue, instead of the golden yellowish orange that it turned out to be.  Actually, it was a mustard yellow sort of color.  Not exactly a hue that I would ever choose, but seeing as this was a part of color profile created by someone, I figured I'd give it a read.  According to my color, Sunflower, I am productive, diligent, and courageous.  Not too shabby, eh?  And, if I'm being honest, sunflowers are my favorite flower (hydrangeas are a close second).  So, perhaps Colorstrology was on to something.  Just to make sure, I decided to check out my sister's and mom's colors and though my sister's color was on par (my mom's wasn't), their profiles were eerily spot on.  Hmm...makes me think that I should start buying sunflowers more often.

I had a fun time flipping through this tome of colors.  The profiles were accurate and the vivid hues ranged from mint green to apple red - it was amazing.  I would definitely recommend this book to fans of astrology - you will get a kick out of this book!

Thanks to Quirk Books for providing me with a copy of this awesome book!

Turning 35 Equals Books and Feeling Under Pressure

I'm 35.  It just happened at the beginning of the month and I'm happy to report that I'm okay with turning semi-middle aged.  I wasn't too happy on the day of my birthday, but I've reconciled myself with the fact that aging is a good thing - we all have to do it.  Plus, as a result of celebrating my birthday I received some lovely gifts:

Aren't they gorgeous?  I can't wait to read them! I'm especially excited, because now I have all of Murakami's books and Van Booy's novels as well.  I'm a huge fan of owning the completed works of my favorite authors, so getting these books for my birthday really made my day more bearable.  Now, all I need are the rest of Jean Rhys' books and I will be one happy lady.

Oh, and did I mention how turning 35 means that I only have 5 years left to complete my 40 before 40 list.  Yikes!  Talk about feeling under pressure, especially since my list isn't even completed.  Yep, its true - I have not finished writing the list.  I know!  Its crazy!  All I do is talk about a bloody list that needs to be written - ugh!  And, to top things off, I mentioned the "40 before 40 list" idea to my friend Kris and he has really embraced it.  He has a web page for his list and he's already crossed items off of his list - a list he has only started working on since the beginning of the year!! Cripes, I feel like a jealous slacker!  Oh well, I've just got to get to work on my list (which I plan to write this weekend) and start crossing things off it ASAP.  I have five years to complete the list and I plan on crossing off the last item on my list in five years time.  Wish me luck!!

Anyhow, I just wanted to share a bit of what's going on with me.  And, now I'm off to continue reading Human Remains by Elizabeth Haynes.  I swear that title makes me cringe just thinking about it - yikes!