I'm not one to write personal posts on my blog. I share bits and bobs once in awhile, but I don't really give everything away. I hadn't planned on writing this post, but its a new year and I'm trying to live more fully (which I feel means being more open and honest). So here goes...
I have anxiety and I need to lose weight. The weight started after I was diagnosed with AIH (autoimmune hepatitis). What's AIH? It means my body attacks my liver and if left uncontrolled it could lead to liver failure. I was 23 when I found out and since I was young, I didn't really think about it all that much. I just took my meds and went for check-ups, assuming that all would be well. Knock wood, my liver is stable. Except, some of those meds were steroids and they wreaked havoc on my mood and body. I gained weight and became depressed. It sucked.
I've been on/off the steroids for nearly 15 years, which means its been hard to lose the weight. And I've noticed these past few years I've been riddled with anxiety. Yep, I'm an extremely anxious person now. I get nervous, my heart beats faster, and soon I feel like I can't breathe. Its the worst. Or my thoughts spiral out of control and frighten me to the point that I feel paralyzed with fear. Yeah, it really sucks. And I'm tired of it. I've let my life be controlled by these two things for far too long. I've finally decided that enough is enough.
2017 is the year that I will tackle both of these issues head on. I will work out and eat healthily. I will focus on positive thinking, meditation, and pretty much anything to help calm my anxieties. And I will succeed, because my intentions are clear this time. Yep, I finally realized that its not just about wanting these things, its also about recognizing the fact that I deserve these things. At 38, I recognize that I do deserve to live a healthy and full life. And, I intend to make it happen.
"When you know better, you do better." ---Maya Angelou
This is the year I say 'yes' to myself. I accept that its going to be hard and that its going to take time, but I'm ready for it. I'll keep you posted on my progress - the good and the bad. And, don't worry, this blog is still going to be about books, books, and books. I just might throw in a personal post now and again.
Wish me luck.