Tuesday, January 17, 2017

A Personal Post...

I'm not one to write personal posts on my blog. I share bits and bobs once in awhile, but I don't really give everything away.  I hadn't planned on writing this post, but its a new year and I'm trying to live more fully (which I feel means being more open and honest).  So here goes...

I have anxiety and I need to lose weight.  The weight started after I was diagnosed with AIH (autoimmune hepatitis).  What's AIH? It means my body attacks my liver and if left uncontrolled it could lead to liver failure.  I was 23 when I found out and since I was young, I didn't really think about it all that much.  I just took my meds and went for check-ups, assuming that all would be well.  Knock wood, my liver is stable.  Except, some of those meds were steroids and they wreaked havoc on my mood and body.  I gained weight and became depressed.  It sucked.

I've been on/off the steroids for nearly 15 years, which means its been hard to lose the weight.  And I've noticed these past few years I've been riddled with anxiety.  Yep, I'm an extremely anxious person now.  I get nervous, my heart beats faster, and soon I feel like I can't breathe. Its the worst.  Or my thoughts spiral out of control and frighten me to the point that I feel paralyzed with fear.  Yeah, it really sucks.  And I'm tired of it.  I've let my life be controlled by these two things for far too long. I've finally decided that enough is enough.

2017 is the year that I will tackle both of these issues head on.  I will work out and eat healthily.  I will focus on positive thinking, meditation, and pretty much anything to help calm my anxieties.  And I will succeed, because my intentions are clear this time.  Yep, I finally realized that its not just about wanting these things, its also about recognizing the fact that I deserve these things.  At 38, I recognize that I do deserve to live a healthy and full life. And, I intend to make it happen. 

"When you know better, you do better." ---Maya Angelou

This is the year I say 'yes' to myself.  I accept that its going to be hard and that its going to take time, but I'm ready for it.  I'll keep you posted on my progress - the good and the bad.  And, don't worry, this blog is still going to be about books, books, and books.  I just might throw in a personal post now and again.  

Wish me luck.


Ti said...

I am in the same place but for different reasons. When I fell on my face last March, I damaged my jaw and somehow managed to screw-up my trapezius muscle which triggers horrible migraines on one side of my head, causes my teeth to go numb and creates horrible neck pain. Yes, this happened because of a fall but the entire thing is made worse by the fact that I am completely out of shape and unable to recover. I start to recover with physical therapy and then something happens, like yesterday when I just did too much and messed myself up again.

Since the beginning of the year, I've been using the app Noom to track food. I've always eaten good food. I am not a sweet eater and I love veggies over most everything else but my new doctor kept insisting it's my diet and that I need to get my blood pressure under control since my mom died of a stroke, my dad had a stroke, etc. So I've been tracking and my problem is that I just eat too much. I think in my head "healthy" means I can eat more of it. Noom is a great FREE app and makes it so easy to see where my trouble spots are.

Now, I did gain three lbs when I started but then I lost 5. I just gained another 2 but I think that means I will lose again because that is how my screwed up body is and I have been faithfully tracking. If you want to figure out where your problems are, try that app. Oh, and if you need support I am always here for you. I've been reading Made To Crave too which helps me because long ago I used to have an eating disorder.

Natalie~Coffee and a Book Chick said...

This is also going to be my year, so I will go on this ride, too! In 2013, I had my son, and then 7 months after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It took a double mastectomy, all of my lymph nodes in my right arm removed, chemo, radiation, and two breast reconstructions, before I could finally feel like I could look forward to the next part of my life with all of this in my rear view (thank you, God!), and then my last surgery was in November. I'm fully recovered and 2017 is the year, THE year. The year where I control my anxiety and fear of the past two years, the time focus on losing my post-pregnancy weight (I actually gained weight during chemo) We can do this! We CAN do this.

I've also begun a very spiritual walk as well, and have found a lot, a LOT of peace and comfort. If you're on Instagram, I'm instagram.com/coffeebookchick

Love to you. We can do this!

Lark said...

I do wish you luck! Anxiety is the worst. I've had a few bad bouts with it, too. Yoga, with its conscious breathing, stretching, and meditation, helped some. So did walking and exercise every day. And prayer. And family. As well as taking a hard look at what was causing me worry and stress and questioning whether I really needed to be worrying about those things. (Which sounds easier than it is!) It also helped when I stopped worrying about looking stupid in front of other people, or getting things wrong, 'cause no one's perfect. Good luck this year! I really hope things improve for you. :)

Vintage Reading said...

Hi Nadia

Sending you love and light. I suffered badly from anxiety after my twins were born. It was a form of post-natal depression and I was very reluctant to take anti-depressants but they really helped in the short-term. Reading (of course!) helped, too, but when you are in the grip of deep anxiety sometimes you can't even read. Hope 2017 will be a great year for you.

Bellezza said...

Nadia, my friend, how much I value who you are and the honesty with which you've written this. Weight, such a silly thing, and yet such a consuming thing. I weighed 125 for decades! And now, at 55, I am not that weight by a long shot. But with my years, I now no longer care about the numbers as much as about how I feel physically. That is what matters most, taking care of your kidney and not letting yourself get discouraged emotionally. The outside is important, of course, but not as much as the inside, and I know your heart to be good and true. Set goals, fine, but don't deny the beauty you already have. And, I will talk about books and looks with you any day! xo

Brandie said...

Nadia, I know exactly how you feel and can totally relate. Although I don't suffer from AIH, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, I got to a point in my life where I was depressed, riddled with anxiety, and just unhappy. I made the same decision to start eating better and then start working out. And it was the best decision I could've ever made for myself. It's not about losing the weight, it's about being healthy and feeling good. My depression and anxiety completely went away once I started getting healthy and taking better care of my body.
Sending you lots of love and encouragement, Nadia! I know how hard it can be to stay motivated - I'm here if ever you need someone to cheer you on!

sunt_lacrimae_rerum said...

I wish you luck and I know that you did not ask for advice but I have improved my anxiety by walking. I listen to books on tape when I walk which helps relieve boredom. Audible.com was a good investment for my health.

Nadia said...

Thank you so much for your responses to this post - I loved them all! Your well wishes and advice mean so much. xoxo

Ti, I remember you talking about that fall last year. It sucks how much its affected you. I know how hard it must be to try and move forward and have this keep coming up and derailing things again and again. You are determined though, so I know you can do it. Noom sounds like a great idea and I need to check it out. I'm like you, I think healthy means I can eat more of it and that's not the case at all - LOL! I appreciate you sharing about all of this. And thanks for being there for me :)

Natalie, 2017 is definitely going to be your year!! You have gone through so much and have fought it all. You are strong and determined - I just know that you will get control of your anxiety and fear. And you will lose that post-pregnancy weight! WE can do this!! I think its awesome that you have found peace and comfort in this spiritual walk you are on. I'm actually reaching for my faith as well lately and find its positive messages to be helpful. It definitely pushes me to keep moving forward, which I think it does the same for you. So I know that WE can definitely do this!! I have to check your instagram :)

Lark, thank you! And yes, anxiety is the worst! I'm glad that you were able to find ways to deal with your anxiety. Exercise definitely sounds like a good way to do it. My friend Kris was always pushing me to try meditation - I think I will finally do it. Prayer and family are key - that is so true. And looking at what is behind it all may be hard, but essential. I do have to remind myself that no one is perfect. Thanks for the luck :)

Nicola, thank you!! Reading is definitely helping me. My doctor has mentioned medication before, but I haven't wanted to take anything. I'm hoping that I can do this without it. Of course, in the end, if it does help, it may be just what I need. I'm glad you were able to get through your anxiety - I know its not easy. I hope 2017 is a great year for you, too.

M, you are so sweet. Thank you for your kind words. You are of course right, weight is a silly thing and it consumes us. I hate that I've let it overwhelm me so much in so many ways. I want to get healthy, feel healthy, and live fully. I want the inside to shine, so I need to work on the outside for now. I will definitely keep talking about books and looks with you :)

Brandie, I knew you could relate - I remember your posts from when you began your weight loss journey. Your posts were/are always so inspiring. And, you are so right - its about being healthy and feeling good. I really do believe that once I get on track with my healthy I will start to feel better about myself and this anxiety that overwhelms me will begin to fade away. Its hard, but I just know it will be worth it. Thank you, Brandie!!

Slouching, thanks for the luck! Walking is what I'm doing for my anxiety :) I keep making new playlists of music to listen to, but maybe I should try Audible. Cheers!

Lisa said...

Good for you! I've let a lifetime of being heavy and a torn meniscus entirely stop the progress I was finally making a couple of years ago. But as the mother of the groom five months from now, I've got to get my act in gear. You are not alone! In fact, from what I see in the comments, maybe we should put a group together to help support each other through this, as we work to change our lives!

Nadia said...

Lisa, thanks! I love that idea! A support group to help push each other and encourage one another sounds amazing :) You are so going to get your act in gear and look amazing at your son's wedding!! 2017 is our year!!